♥ ♥ ♥
Our big fluffy boss-cat, Frankie, died a month ago. She was hit by a car outside the path to our flat, just up the road from the house where she was born five years earlier.
I appreciated her radness every single day and I miss her so, so much. She was a big, badass shining light; she was the boss of our house! I miss her wisdom, her company, her faces. I miss her soft, fluffy grey belly, her all knowing yellow-green eyes and the beautiful shapes she made. If her body was as huge as her personality, she would have crushed that damn car!
Born an Aro cat, died an Aro cat. One week before we moved away. Fate tastes very bitter sometimes. We have ninja-claimed the curb our neighbour buried her in and turned it into a memorial, complete with two native shrubs and an engraved granite plaque.
I like to think that Frankie’s spirit is out there in the ether, chasing birds and playing games with her brother Moridin, who died the same way in late 2009. They were our yin and yang cats; now they can hang together again.
It has been a heart-wrenching time. Our lil cat Penny, who through the trauma of losing her sister, has been so super brave, is helping me keep my shit together. If you’re not a cat person that probably sounds crazy; I’m down with that. Our family is smaller but strong.
Sometimes having the rug pulled from under your feet can bring a sudden clarity to things that have been mulling around in your subconscious, quietly demanding action. This has been one of those times for me. My intuition began to bitchslap me through my grief: I had been throwing my creative energy against a wall.
It was time to let go. So I resigned from my merchandising job; as it played out, what needed to be done was too physical for what I am capable of at the moment; this has been weighing heavy on me, because I love love love visual styling – it’s so much fun and I am awesome at it. But the stockroom stuff – no. Can’t do it.
Also, I can’t sew right now, unless I want to spend days in much worse pain than usual. All of the made-to-order products in my shop are on hiatus. My range of sterling silver pendants are 100% still available, though! I am loving the Khufu necklace right now – check Acid Cult for more offbeat jewellery goodness.
I need to give myself space to heal and stop trying to force it. This gauntlet of health complications is like a test from the universe to see how patient I can be about getting back to Fashion Tech to do the Pattern Design Certificate I have dreams every night about finishing. It has been two years and counting! I had been hoping to enrol for the January class, but I am not ready yet.
So I am taking a deep breath, a let-it-go breath; I am reminding myself that I will triumph in the end.
Frankie passing away, setting aside sewing, quitting my dream retail job, moving across town. The last month has felt like an avalanche of change.
2013, eh? Phew. Bring it on.
Yuanzi Wang’s amazing work @ Lancia