June 18th I turned twenty-nine years old. Holy crap. I have fought so hard to get my health back on track these last few years – harder than I ever imagined I would have to. It feels good to be here, where I am, today. There truly are no coincidences.
Suffering is justified as long as it becomes the raw material of beauty.”
A dream can be a terrifying fucking thing sometimes.
Three years ago I finally, finally admitted to myself that the nagging feeling that I want to, in some fashion, be a clothing designer, wasn’t going to go away anytime soon. Eight months later, part way through: the healthfail avalanche. Today I pre-enrolled in that same patternmaking course I got part way through in 2010 – I have to do an entry test in a couple of months which will determine whether or not my app. is accepted. The deal from now on: laser focus like never before. Practice, practice, practice.
It was so, so exciting to be back in the Fashion Tech workroom to enrol again today. I was on such a high when I left. And then, a couple of hours later, self-doubt swoops in: Aren’t you too OLD to be doing this? It will be too hard! You are supposed to have a career by now, what is wrong with you? If your dream was meant to be, it would have happened by now!!! To which I say: I am not listening to your shit. No way in hell. The better part of me has walked through enough fire to know she is gonna come out the other side. Might shed a few tears, might bend a little, but I will not break.
Fear, properly harnessed, will shoot your ass to the moon.
Art by Moon, via Supersonic Electronic
SPRING. I crave the first signs that the warmer seasons are heading toward us – these past few weeks it has definitely begun happening. The air is different, the days a little longer, and a few sunny, crisp ones are emerging here and there. Spring is coming! I cannot wait.
Other rad things about the last couple of months:
♥ More yoga, deeper stretches. Bikram here I come.
♥ Crystals! Rose quartz, amethyst, lapis lazuli, citrine, obsidien, clear quartz, turquoise, jasper, tiger’s eye. The next few pieces of jewellery that I’m creating for the shop are gonna be so much fun.
♥ Eating a rad meal with my family at La Boca Loca in Miramar, to farewell my brother and his girlfriend, as they headed overseas, on a philosophy-inspired adventure, for a few months. For dinner I had rad tortilla soup, which they had no qualms about veganizing, with a side of mexican coleslaw; the mojito I downed was also delicious ;)
♥ Layers of lace. Black and pastels.
Batman x Peter Lindbergh, via Iain Claridge
♥ I enjoyed this post I stumbled upon, which comes via Kris Carr’s blog: The Top 10 Things I Wish I Knew Before 30. Good timing to have come across it around the time of my birthday!
♥ Finally having Ash over for dinner! On the menu: Vegan spaghetti & meatballs, with a side of Maia’s awesome spicy broccoli. Nom Nom. It was a stormy night, all the better for lounging around and watching some vintage Addam’s Family and a little Animaniacs.
♥ The people I love that put up with my tendency to fold up into myself now and then.
♥ Edward Snowden, the NSA surveillance whistleblower. A heroic act. It is so, so important that the public be informed of what he has leaked. We need and deserve to know. But do enough of us desire to know…? It is humbling that he is 30 years old, practically the same age as me; puts my problems and challenges in perspective, that’s for damn sure.
“I understand that I will be made to suffer for my actions,” but “I will be satisfied if the federation of secret law, unequal pardon and irresistible executive powers that rule the world that I love are revealed even for an instant.”
- Edward Snowden, via the Guardian